you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
