i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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