if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
