No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
