Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
