Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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