Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
