so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
