drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
