I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
