Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
