Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
