gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
