Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
