I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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