Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
