so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
