who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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