Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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