think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
