her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
