it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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