I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Found the puke drawer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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