who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
