I'm really into asian looking animals
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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