I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
