Are we in a gay sports bar?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
