i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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