this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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