Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
