If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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