good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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