wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
