I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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