How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
