I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
