lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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