its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
