I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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