So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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