I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
