I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
