he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize