Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
