Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
