She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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