Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
