Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
