yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
