She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
