He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
