i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
