He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
