Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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