I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
