It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize