what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
