Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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