He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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