Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize