I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
