I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
