i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
