If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
