My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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