I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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