why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
