Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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