Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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